A man gets to his plane seat and is surprised to find a parrot strapped into the seat next to him.

Once in the air, the stewardess comes around and the man asks her for a cup of coffee, whereupon the parrot squawks, “Bring me a whiskey, bitch.”

The stewardess, somewhat flustered, brings a whiskey to the parrot, but forgets the coffee. When the man points this out to her, the parrot immediately drains its glass and yells,”Get me another whiskey, bitch.” Quite upset, the stewardess returns shortly with a whiskey for the parrot, but still no coffee for the man. Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man decides to try the parrot’s approach. “I’ve asked you twice for a coffee, bitch, now go and get it for me.”

In a couple of seconds, two burly stewards arrive, grab both the man and the parrot, take them to the emergency exit and toss them both out
of the airplane.

As they’re falling toward the ground, the parrot turns to the man and says, “You know, for someone who can’t fly, you’re kind of a mouthy
b#stard.

A few overworked deputy sheriffs were long overdue for a vacation so they decided to go on a mountain retreat. Since police officers are so underpaid, they decided to sleep two per room so they could afford the trip.

Now, nobody wanted to sleep in the same room with Daryl – he’s very well known for snoring and since it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time – they agreed to take turns.

The first deputy to bunk with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot, looking like he didn’t get any sleep. They said, “Man, what happened to you?” He said, “Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night, couldn’t get any sleep!”

The following night it was a different deputy’s turn. In the morning, same thing – hair all messed up, eyes blood-shot, etc. They said, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful!” He said, “Man, that Daryl! Shakes the roof he’s so loud. I watched him all night.”

The third night was Frank’s turn. Now Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man’s man. Said he wasn’t going to put up with any snoring… “We’ll see!” said the other deputies.

The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. “Good morning, fellas! Wonderful day outside isn’t it?” he said. They other deputies were shocked!

They said, “Man, what happened?” Frank said, “Well, we got ready for bed. I went over and tucked Daryl into bed, then kissed him good night. He sat up all night just watching me. Didn’t snore at all!”