TEACHING MATHS IN 1970
A logger sells a truckload of timber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

TEACHING MATHS IN 1980
A logger sells a truckload of timber for $100. His cost of production is 80% of the price. What is his profit?

TEACHING MATHS IN 1990
A logger sells a truckload of timber for $100. His cost of production is $80. How much was his profit?

TEACHING MATHS IN 2000
A logger sells a truckload of timber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

TEACHING MATHS IN 2005
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. Your assignment: Discuss how the birds and Possums might feel as the logger cut down their homes just for a measly profit of $20.

TEACHING MATHS IN 2009
A logger is arrested for trying to cut down a tree in case it may be offensive to Muslims or other religious groups not consulted in the felling license. He is also fined a $100 as his chainsaw is in breach of Health and Safety legislation as it deemed too dangerous and could cut something. He has used the chainsaw for over 20 years without incident however he does not have the correct certificate of competence and is therefore considered to be a recidivist and habitual criminal. His DNA is sampled and his details circulated throughout all government agencies. He protests and is taken to court and fined another $100 because he is such an easy target. When he is released he returns to find Aboriginals have cut down half his wood to build a camp on his land. He tries to throw them off but is arrested, prosecuted for harassing an ethnic minority, imprisoned and fined a further $100. While he is in jail the Aboriginals cut down the rest of his wood and sell it on the black market for $100 cash. They also have a leaving barbeque of Possum and pheasant and depart leaving behind several tonnes of rubbish and asbestos sheeting. The forester on release is warned that failure to clear the fly tipped rubbish immediately at his own cost is an offence. He complains and is arrested for environmental pollution, breach of the peace and invoiced $12,000 plus GST for safe disposal costs by a regulated government contractor.

Your assignment: How many times is the logger going to have to be arrested and fined before he realises that he is never going to make $20 profit by hard work, give up, sign onto the dole and live off the state for the rest of his life?

TEACHING MATHS IN 2010
A logger doesn’t sell a lorry load of timber because he can’t get a loan to buy a new lorry because his bank has spent all his and their money on a derivative of securitised debt related to sub-prime mortgages in Iceland and lost the lot with only some government money left to pay a few million pound bonuses to their senior directors and the traders who made the biggest losses. The logger struggles to pay the $1,200 road tax on his old lorry however, as it was built in the 1970s it no longer meets the emissions regulations and he is forced to scrap it. Some Kiwi loggers buy the lorry from the scrap merchant and put it back on the road. They undercut everyone on price for haulage and send their cash back home, while claiming unemployment for themselves and their relatives. If questioned they speak no English and it is easier to deport them at the governments expense. Following their holiday back home they return to Australia with different names and fresh girls and start again. The logger protests, is accused of being a bigoted racist and as his name is on the side of his old lorry he is forced to pay $1,500 registration fees as a gang master. The Government borrows more money to pay more to the bankers as bonuses are not cheap. The parliamentarians feel they are missing out and claim the difference on expenses and allowances.

Your assignment: You do the maths.

Number One Idiot of 2008.

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control centre in our local Hospital.. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away…

Number Two Idiot of 2008.

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Rescue Helicopter coming towards them.. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.. They are no longer employed at Boeing or any other airline for that matter.

Number Three Idiot of 2008.

A man, wanting to rob a Bank A , walked into the Branch and wrote ‘Put all your muny in this bag.’ While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller’s window.. So he left the Bank and crossed the street to the Bank B.. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the teller She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn’t the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank A deposit slip and that he would either, have to fill out a Bank B deposit slip or go back to Bank A .. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, ‘OK’ and left.. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank A.

Number Four Idiot of 2008.

A guy walked into a little town corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, ‘Because I don’t believe you are over 21.’ The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn’t believe him.. At this point, the robber took his driver’s licence out of his
wallet and gave it to the clerk.. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag… The robber then ran from the store with
his loot.. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that she got off the licence. They arrested the robber two hours later…

Number Five Idiot of 2008

A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.. The first one shouted, ‘Nobody move!’ When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him..

Number Six Idiot of 2008.

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he’d just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.. So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window.. The brick bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Flexi-Glass… The whole event was caught on
videotape…

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:

My daughter went to a local McDonalds and ordered a burger.. She asked the person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.’ He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg..

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, ”Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?? To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know??’ He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’

JUST AN IDIOT :

When my husband and I arrived at a car dealers to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door.. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. ‘Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘its open!’ His reply, ‘I know – I already got that side.’

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down..
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice!
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that..
4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Cheques, Write ‘ For Marijuana.
6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
7 Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is ‘To Go’.
9. Sing Along At The Opera.
10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream ‘I Won! I Won!’
12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling ‘Run For Your Lives! They’re Loose!’
13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, ‘Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.’

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity:

14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.