..are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The brunette thinks ‘I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert.’

The blonde thinks ‘I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the dowdy brunette for me and she slapped the beast.’

The Frenchman thinks ‘I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake.’

The Englishman thinks ‘I can’t wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again.’

While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint.

Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from the cottage. I got him a Guinness.

He didn’t like it, so I drank it. 

Then I got him a Kilkenny’s.

He didn’t like that either, so I drank it.

Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager. He didn’t.

I drank it.

I thought that maybe he’d like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson’s. Nope!

In desperation, I had him try that rare Redbreast, Ireland’s finest. He wouldn’t even smell it.
What could I do but drink it! 

Two men chartered a small plane to fly to Canada for a moose hunting trip. They managed to bag six. As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. The two lads objected strongly.

“Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours”.

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains even on full power, the little plane couldn’t handle the load and went down.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, Jim and Tony survived the crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Jim asked Tony “Any idea where we are?”

Tony replied “I think we’re pretty close to where we crashed last year”.

Ole vas vorking at da fish plant up nort in Dulut vhen he accidentally cut off all ten of his finkers.

He vent to da emergency room in the Clinik and vhen he got dar da Norsky doctor looked at Ole and said, “Okie dokie, let’s have da finkers and I’ll see vhat I can do.”

Ole said, “I haven’t got da finkers.”

“Vhat do you mean, you hafen’t got da finkers?” he said. “Lordy- it’s 2013 and Ive’s got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible surgery techniques. I could hafe put dem back on and made you like new! Vhy didn’t you brink da finkers?”

Ole says………”How da fock vas I suppose to pick dem up?”