1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.  
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Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don’t bother because you remember that last time,
breathing didn’t do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month
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The Baby clothes:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn’s clothes, colour co-ordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?
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Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress–a whimper, a frown–you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing
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Dummies:
1st baby: If the dummy falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and sterilise it.
2nd baby: When the dummy falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
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Nappy changing:
1st baby: You change your baby’s nappies every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their nappy every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
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Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
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Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
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At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
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Swallowing Coins:
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!
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GRANDCHILDREN: God’s reward for allowing your children to live!

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had  phoned in sick one day.

Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the Employee’s’ home phone number and was greeted with a Child’s’ whisper.

‘Hello?’

‘Is your daddy home?’ he asked.

‘Yes,’ whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?’
The child whispered, ‘No,’

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, ‘Is your Mommy there?’

‘Yes,’

‘May I talk with her?’

Again the small voice whispered, ‘No,’

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked,’Is anybody else there?’

‘Yes,’ whispered the child, ‘a policeman’.

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, ‘May I speak with the policeman?’

‘No, he’s busy’ whispered the child.

‘Busy doing what?’

‘Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,’ came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked,

‘What is that noise?’

‘A helicopter’ answered the whispering voice.

‘What is going on there?’ demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered,

‘The search team just landed a helicopter,’

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked,

‘What are they searching for?’

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle…

‘ME!!’ 
 
 

(1)
A  little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because  even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically  impossible. The  little girl said, ‘When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah.’ The teacher asked, ‘What if Jonah went to  hell?’

The little  girl replied, ‘Then you ask him.’

(2)
A  Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work. As she got  to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, ‘I’m drawing  God.’

The teacher paused and said, ‘But no one  knows what God looks like.’

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, ‘They will in a minute.’

(3)
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the  commandment to ‘honor’ thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, ‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?’

Without missing a beat one little boy, the oldest of a family, answered, ‘Thou shall not  kill.’

(4)
The  children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

‘Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s  Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor’.’

A  small voice at the back of the room rang out, ‘And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.’

(5)
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to  make the matter clearer, she said, ‘Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the  face.’

‘Yes,’ the class  said.

‘Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position, the blood doesn’t run into my feet?’

A little  fellow shouted, ‘Cause your feet ain’t empty.’

(6)
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

‘Take only ONE. God is watching.’

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, ‘Take all you want. God is watching the apples.’