When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don’t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don’t know, but you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I’d forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialled it.

A man answered, saying ‘Hello.’

I politely said, ‘This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?’

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear ‘Get the right f***ing number!’ And the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn’t believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn’s correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the ‘wrong’ number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled ‘You’re an ar se hole!’ And hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word ‘ar se hole’ next to it, And put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I’d call him up and yell, ‘You’re an ar se hole!’

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic ‘ar se hole’ calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, ‘Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I’m calling to see if you’re familiar with our Caller ID Program?’

He yelled ‘NO!’ And slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, ‘That’s because you’re an ar se hole!’ And hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled that I’d been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a ‘For Sale’ sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first ar se hole (I had his number on speed dial) I thought that I’d better call the BMW ar se hole, too.

I said, ‘Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?’

He said, ‘Yes, it is.’

I then asked, ‘Can you tell me where I can see it?’

He said, ‘Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd. , in Fairfax It’s a yellow ranch style house And the car’s parked right out in front.’

I asked, ‘What’s your name?’

He said, ‘My name is Don Hansen.’

I asked, ‘When’s a good time to catch you, Don?’

He said, ‘I’m home every evening after five.’

I said, ‘Listen, Don, can I tell you something?’

He said ,’Yes?’

I said, ‘Don, you’re an ar se hole!’

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two ar se holes to call.

Then I came up with an idea…

I called ar se hole #1.

He said, ‘Hello’

I said, ‘You’re an ar se hole!’ (But I didn’t hang up.)

He asked, ‘Are you still there?’

I said, ‘Yeah!’

He screamed, ‘Stop calling me’

I said, ‘Make me.’

He asked, ‘Who are you?’

I said, ‘My name is Don Hansen.’

He said, ‘Yeah? Where do you live?’

I said, ‘Ar se hole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd., in Fairfax , a yellow ranch style home and I have a black Beamer parked in front.’

He said, ‘I’m coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers.’

I said, ‘Yeah, like I’m really scared, ar se hole,’ and hung up.

Then I called Ar se hole #2.

He said, ‘Hello?’

I said, ‘Hello, ar se hole,’

He yelled, ‘If I ever find out who you are…’

I said, ‘You’ll what?’

He exclaimed, ‘I’ll kick your ass’

I answered, ‘Well, ar se hole, here’s your chance. I’m coming over right now.’

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel X News about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax .

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax .

I got there just in time to watch two ar se holes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.

Understanding Engineers – One

Two engineering students were riding their bikes across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”

The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to

the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want . ”

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway . ”

Understanding Engineers – Two

To the optimist, the glass is half-full .

To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty .

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be .

Understanding Engineers – Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers . The engineer fumed, “What’s with

those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!”

The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!”

The priest said, “Here comes the green-keeper . Let’s have a word with him . ”

He said, “Hello George, what’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”

The green-keeper replied, “Oh, yes . That’s a group of blind firemen . They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we

always let them play for free anytime . ”

The group fell silent for a moment .

The priest said, “That’s so sad . I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight . ”

The doctor said, “Good idea . I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything he can do for them . ”

The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”

Understanding Engineers – Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons

Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers – Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?”

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”

The graduate with an arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

Understanding Engineers – Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body .

One said, “It was a mechanical engineer . Just look at all the joints . ”

Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer . The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections . ”

The last one said, “No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer . Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

Understanding Engineers – Seven

Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it .

Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet .