Two boys are playing hockey on the pond on Boston Common, when one is attacked by a vicious dog.

Thinking quickly, the other boy took his hockey stick and managed to wedge it down the dog’s collar and twist, luckily breaking the dog’s neck and stopping its attack.

A reporter who was strolling by sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy.

“Young Bruins Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal…”
He starts writing in his notebook.

“But, I’m not a Bruins fan ,” the little hero replied.

“Sorry, since we’re in Boston, I just assumed you were,” said the reporter and starts again.

“Red Sox Fan Rescues Friend From Horrific attack…”
He continued writing in his notebook.

“I’m not A Red Sox fan either!” The boy said.

“I assumed everyone in Boston was either for the Bruins or the Red Sox.”

“So, what team do you root for?” The reporter asked.

“I’m a Yankees fan!” The child beamed.

The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes:

“Little Bastard From New York Kills Beloved Family Pet .”

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today.”

Little Johnny says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart and will answer the question.”

Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”

Teacher: “That’s right Susie, you can go home.”

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, “Martin Luther King.”

Teacher: “That’s right Mary, you can go.”

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: “Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can do for you’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, “John F. Kennedy.”

Teacher: “That’s right Nancy, you may also leave.”

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, “I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!”

The teacher turns around: “NOW WHO SAID THAT?”

Johnny: “TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?”