College Cowboy

A young cowboy goes off to college..

Halfway through the semester he foolishly has squandered all of his money.

He calls home. ‘Dad,’ he says, ‘you won’t believe what modern education is developing. They actually have a program here in Regina that will teach our dog Ol’ Blue how to talk.’

‘That’s amazing!’ his Dad says ‘How do I get Ol’ Blue in that program?’

‘Just send him down here with $1,000,’ the young cowboy says, ‘I’ll get him in the course.’

So his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out.

The boy calls home.

‘So how’s Ol’ Blue doing, son?’ his father wants to know.

‘Awesome! Dad, he’s talking up a storm. But you just won’t believe this. They’ve had such good results with talking, they’ve begun to teach the animals how to read.’

‘Read?!’ exclaims his father. ‘No kidding! How do we get Ol’ Blue in that program?’

‘Just send $2,500. I’ll get him in the class.’

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read.

So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. ‘Where’s Ol’ Blue? I just can’t wait to talk with him, and see him read something!

‘Dad,’ the boy says, ‘I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol’ Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal. Then he suddenly turned to me and asked, ‘So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead barmaid at the Blue Sky Café and Tavern?”

The father groans and whispers, ‘I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!’

‘I sure did, Dad!’

‘That’s my boy!’

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer.

Lawyer as Husband

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”

“What?” said the puzzled groom.

“How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”

“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”

“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”

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