With the increasing prevalence of ‘work from home’ options for a lot of employees, new social customs are evolving as people adjust to the more isolated working environment. Some love the arrangement, others less so. We found one person who isn’t enjoying the solitary working life.

Dwayne Forthwright is a business analyst for a tractor logistics firm and has been home-based for more than four years.

“When I first started working from home, I loved the increased freedom of eating lunch when I wanted and being able to use a toilet that didn’t have someone else’s body excretions smeared on the wall. But the novelty of that soon wore off.”

Dwayne claims the lack of social interaction and the requirement of daily self-discipline extracts a deep psychological toll.

“Others had warned me that within three months I’d be sitting at my desk in underwear, touting a beard. In reality I’ve devolved to that and worse. At 10.30 each morning I get the trembles of excitement at being able to walk into the kitchen and share my morning with the budgie. I’ve started echo-proofing the toilet so I can sit in there on teleconferences without giving myself away.”

When asked if he could see a resolution to the downward spiral he seemed to be on, Dwayne was fatalistic.

“I’m on a first name basis with the Jehovah Witnesses that canvas my street. I’ve started bagging and boarding the Watchtower magazines they supply and am buying back issues via Ebay. I can’t see how much lower I can go.”

The Snark is The Creative Shed’s Satire News Section. 100% of it is satire and in no way resembles reality. Reality is way sillier than this stuff. Follow The Snark on Facebook and Twitter